February Wrap Up

Yeah yeah, I know. It’s already March.

I’ve been avoiding blogging for a reason that I still do not know, so I’ll try to sum up what happened to me this February in this post.

Feb 4th -I got accepted into Waterloo for Computer Science. I am happy about this, it’s been my dream since grade ten. But I am not as happy as I thought I would be. There are two reasons.

1) I got accepted based on my Gr.11 grades. This left a sour taste in my mouth. The whole reason I worked so hard this year is to show them (Waterloo) that I’ve improved and that by getting accepted, it would show that my hard work paid off for this year. But they accepted me before my grade twelve marks were sent, so it kind of felt as if all my improvements were wasted.

2) I still don’t know if this is the right path for me. I actually do not know what I want to do with my life. I know that it’s been my dream to go to CS@UW since grade 10, but I don’t have a valid reason. I think I originally chose this option because I found it to be mysterious, but I have yet to actually learn more about it. I keep on telling myself I’ll learn about computers before high school ends, but now it doesn’t look like it’ll happen.

I also got accepted into UTSC for Computer Science. I’m not too excited about UTSC, so I probably will not be attending this program. Which leaves to me to my current problems. I am still waiting for offers from two programs. CS@UTSG and Financial And Risk Analysis from Waterloo. As I understand, F&R is a somewhat competitive program to get into. However CS at UTSG should not be. I know it’s still early in the game, but I think I should’ve gotten all my offers by now. I beat my ass up on trying to improve myself academically. It doesn’t matter how competitive these two programs are, I should’ve been accepted with my average. The frustrating part is that I know friends who have lower grades who got accepted into more competitive programs at UTSG already. Am I missing something?

Speaking of my grades, I did have improvements. My average improved by 5%, which is really hard. It is even harder when the improvement was from a 90% average. I do feel the stress of working this hard and still wonder if I can last the year. I’m hoping to get some scholarship money to help to pay for my tuition.

I recently got recongnized as the highest average in Gr.12. I got up, smiled, became nervous and got my recongition. I honestly hate it when people point out how well I do things. Especially since it is not fair to others who work just as hard as me and took harder courses. I took three maths, which is very hard. But those who are with three science have it way harder. I honestly cannot imagining getting a mark that is high as my current one if I took up more science. So I think it’s unreasonable for the school to award a student with the highest average.

Another aspect is communicating with others. Now some classmates will not take me seriously when I complain about the workload or openly stress about the upcoming test. I’ve been told by many that since I’m at the top, I’m probably just saying these things to be humble and/or to show off to everyone else. The truth is that I honestly feel insecure. I do study, but it’s never a sure things. No one knows what will happen in the future. I don’t know and you probably won’t know. I am honest when I start panicking like everyone else. But I don’t think I can say something like that any more, now that the school has decided to post our grades up. I feel terrible, I wish it was like the previous year where you can’t find out about a person’s average unless they tell you. I wish they didn’t post the ranking on the walls. I wish they didn’t announce our Honour rolls based on our grades. That kind of masking can allow everyone to work at their own pace without having to watch what they say.


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