I had some surprises this term. In terms of school, they were all bad. I thought I aced my cs245 midterm. It turns out I got a 67%. It seems I just didn’t understand one of the main questions.

While the grades are not released, I honestly feel like I failed my cs246 midterm. I actually left about half of the midterm blank, and I am not too confident about the stuff that I wrote down.

I’m pulling an allnighter on a Sunday night/ Monday morning so that I can get my schedule back on track. I am currently sitting in the big mac labs in MC. There is one other dude in here, he looks like he was masturbating a few moments ago. Now he is cutting his nails. Gross.

I am not going to use the invincible spell because I have no faith in myself this time.

It is a love-hate relationship. I feel more and more discouraged at the beginning. But the feeling of enlightenment upon finding the solution is priceless. This feeling has not changed since grade 10. It is a great reminder of why I chose to go into CS.
Thank you.

—

The term is in progress. I have my worries, but I am more mellow this term. Chaos is brewing, but I feel pretty calm.

—
I had my first (real) interview. I fell very confident about it. I think I could have done better had I focused on the things I already knew prior to the interview.

Funny enough, although I did not get the job, I have absolutely no regrets. I learned a lot from this interview. It was a positive experience. I stayed true to myself and took risks (this risk did not contribute to my failure to secure the position). Prior to being paged, I spent 20 minutes debating on whether to bring my yearbook with me, or how I should bring it without looking unprofessional.
In the end, I decided to hold my head high and walk in with the yearbook unhidden. If there was a chance for me to showcase my work, then I will accept it along with its consequences.
Even if my yearbook did not help me, or made me look unprofessional, I still believe I made the right choice.

Seeing the first years wondering around made me realize something.

I am afraid of being lonely.

I never thought about this. But I was never alone. The only time when I was without friends, I ended up withdrawing from school.

I have always treasured friendship. I never underestimated the power of my friends and the comfort that they provided.

But I never thought I would be so lonely.

I loved that pot. It was the first piece of serious cookware that I purchased by myself. I was always careful of with it, but things like this happen. I will move on and start over.

Moving on. I noticed that I am always in need of a few items that I do not have possession of. I will write all of it down here as a wish list.

1.  A face towel. I’m tired of carrying around a bath towel whenever I need something to dry myself.
2. A shallow, non-stick. Something sturdy, that CAN handle scratches
3. A bigger bowl. I have one, but one isn’t enough.
4. A dutch oven. My soup/broiling nightmares will be over.

But before that, here are some shots from earlier last week. I woke up After pulling another all-nighter, I was greeted with a foggy morning.

This is the most amount of fog I have seen in at least twelve years.

warning, the above images were not resized. Gigantic images awaits if you click.

Now, on the hobby.

I bought the clay a few weeks ago, and made my first sculpture. However, I did not bake it until this Friday, when my gro K-Al also got in on the action.

My first Piplup, on the bottom-left.

From this point onwards, the post will be heavy on the photo side.

It’s Friday, Friday, gotta be lame, stay at home and sculpt on Fridays!

The Stars: My Piplup and K-Al’s Kyubey. Sculpted and ready for the oven.

After popping our delicious penguin and cat  death into the oven. We went out for some ice cream with the apartment’s Alien.

…After thirty minutes….

Our timing is obviously off. Lesson learned. Baking is serious ice cream business.

First coat.

The finished products.

Silly scenario shot. 

Teaser for next post:

This post took (way) longer than expected. I spent an hour on it!

I must remind myself that this is NOT an ideal thing to do, especially after pulling another all-nighter.

My eyes are kind of burning. But I still have a lot of errands to do today, as well as attend Graph Theory (MATH 239) at 1:30 p.m.

The term is coming to an end. I feel just a tab-bit behind. So I will need to catch up quickly.

Stress is building up, but I think I can handle it.

Surely, I will be alright.

I hope it’s a revival.

I had a lot of fun making this layout 3 years ago. Unfortunately, it was never completed and therefore never made it to the (now defunct) shinjuu.net server.

I just set up the layout and index page. Unfortunately, it does not seem like I can do php scripts with my current hosting. But I will find a loop hole around it!

 I realize it’s redundant to censor my exact hosting location. But I don’t think anyone will try too hard to search for this site. And therefore I can have some bit of anonymity retained.

I am taking a break from studying for my CS 136 midterm.

My math teacher always intrigued me. He entered my high school as a teacher the same year I became a freshman. Although I did not talk to him until my senior year, I was always intrigued by him. He was good looking, and his background was very interesting. I was naturally drawn to him.

I still remember nodding to him shyly as we crossed each other in his hall way. My heart would skip a beat whenever he nods back. Maybe it was the big cart he was pushing around, but at an early stage, I could tell that he was geeky. My curiosity was peeked.

As I entered my senior year, my time was suddenly dominated by his classes. I spent every school day with him. My interest in math allowed my to get closer to him than the average students. And in a way, he gave me the final push to pursue mathematics in university.

Indeed, he was a big geek. Our interest matched too, and I believe that is when I developed my crush. He was on very friendly terms with many of the guys in my grade. And I would sometimes join them to hang out in his classroom during lunch.

I’m still confused about my feelings. This is definitely not love. I am not sure if it’s admiration, respect, or something else. But even after leaving high school for two years, I am still naturally drawn to him. My heart skips beats whenever I visit him. So I must feel something towards him.

The reason I am making this post is that he will be leaving my school after this year. I will have no reasons to go visit any more, and therefore will likely never see him again. I believe Wednesday is my last chance, but between midterms and work, there is no way I can make it back  to Toronto.

I still remember when a few of the guys and I were investigating his marital status. We claimed it was out of boredom. I’m not sure about the guys, but I obviously had other reasons to investigate. My heart sank a bit when we discovered that he was, indeed, married.

Not that I ever had high hopes with him. I think in some aspects, I still view him with the same curiosity that I had in grade nine. But even with graduation, I did not seem to forget this curiosity. I want to know more about him.

Hopefully, with his change of job, I can put my feelings to rest and finally move on. It does hurt, but I am sure I can do it.

Surely, I will be alright.

Nods go to the Alien, and Kaitou-Al. Thank you for a great night!

—-

On a side note. I changed the header image for the blog. It is now Kero-Chan.

—

2011-06-06 edit:

I DON’T KNOW MY OWN FRIEND’S NAME

OTL OTL

I would sit down, but have nothing to type. Which is not true, because I have a lot to say about that year. Even though a year has gone by, there are many emotional scars left from that year.

But on the other hand, there are many  things that I want to remember from this year. The new experiences I gain by bumming around. The people I have met. I want to write down all of the good things too. With time, I am worried that memories might fade, and I may gradually forget these people and experiences. I want to treasure these moments that I cannot express.

——

It’s late. I should sleep and dream about combinatorics.

It only too me two years.  

I just wanted to update my blog. I have a desire to keep it going, but there are many things getting in the way.